Marching to the Beat

Nov., Dec., Jan., Feb., Mar., April-almost May

Pretty pathetic.  I haven't logged in here since October of last year.  It is not for lack of having anything to say, but sadly I seem to have lost my edge as well as zeal for writing of any kind.  I wish to heck I could get it back.  I miss it; I really do.  Maybe if I force myself to come by here once a day and write something, anything, perhaps I will get back a small measure of what I used to be like when it comes to writing.  I don't even read anymore!  I used to devour books, magazines, and other quick read types of readable things.  I can only say that I hope I can do that and then see if I do show up here. ;-)

No June, July, or August

one I would like to be better at this, but alas, I am not. :-( And no one speaks like that either, "but alas, I am not", though plenty of people write that way. I am one of those folks. I not only write that way, I actually think that way in my mind, and when I go to speak I choose a different word than the one I was thinking. In fact, it is often that I think the word alas because I am such a disappointment to myself (and to others as well to my way of thinking). The word, in my mind, usually produces quite a long sigh as I sadly admit to be lacking in one way or another. It seems that June, July, and August all went past without my making even one entry in any one of the great number of categories that I have listed and in almost all of which I have an opinion of one kind or another.  From young people to politics, from quotes to current events,there are a long, long list to choose from; but yet, I choose not to write.

What I was actually going to say there was that I chose none of the categories, but I caught and corrected myself because in all honesty choosing not to write is a choice as well.  Is my inability to commit to writing regularly a sign of something mentally lacking in me due to the death of brain cells (killed by yours truly back when I was a teen and young adult) that can never revive or simply that I have trapped myself in a cycle of laziness that I need to break out of, and break out of soon.

My blog is titled 'Marching to the Beat" but I haven't marched wholeheartedly in a long, long time, in my life or even metaphorically speaking.  It sure is about time that I gave myself some marching orders.  ;-)

Rambling On

I figured that since most of my posts consist of poorly constructed paragraphs I might as well pick the random category and give it the appropriate title of ramble. 8-)

Firstly, I cannot wait till the elections are over.  I despise the negative campaigning and long to hear someone say something decent about someone else or at the very least if they are going to run for office to tell the voters what they themselves stand for on issues that are important to US ctizens.   Instead, candidates are well aware that they aren't necessarily keeping that information from the public being as their voting records are available for anyone who takes the time to look into how the candidate votes on the issues.  But how many really do such a thing, I wonder.  I do as a matter of principle being unwilling to just pull a lever for a party line candidate. 

Truly I desire to have the Republicans maintain control of the House and Senate.  Even with the current state of Congress in Republican control, it has been a hard road for this administration due to the obstructionist tactics of the Democratic leadership and Democratic representatives.  It will only get much worse if they come to power.  So very many of their leadership are sold out to special interest groups and their agendas and care not a whit for our Constitution.  Many Republicans as well, though they as a group have a platform that seeks to honor the Constitution as well as protect the lives of the most innocent among us; namely the unborn.

However, I do not fear it or despair of it because I believe with every fiber of my being that God is in control of it all.  It doesn't matter that I cannot explain how it can be that He is and things seem so out of control, but there it is, I simply do.  This doesn't mean, of course, that it won't bother me if things go the wrong way for pro-life, less government control, more tax breaks, etc., people like myself, because it will.  It simply means that I will continue on fighting for the innocent unborn, writing, calling, and supporting pro-life and family legislation, as well as refusing to trash anyone I disagree with.  I have such disdain for the lack of respect that the Democrats show for the President that even after all these years I still cannof believe that they not only continue to do it, but seem to feel justified in doing so!  Our media is at the forefront of this disrespect and has shed any pretext of not being biased such that they are blatantly in-your-face and simply don't care.

There is so much that the media leaves out from their reporting that they are truly obligated to report and don't because it might just make people think less of a Democrat, period.  For instance, back when I was a voting Democrat, I sincerely believed that they were as 'poor' as I was and fought for my 'kind', but come to find out that many of these reps have as much money or more than the Republicans they continually criticize as being rich and for the rich.  Shame on us if we take that on the face of it and believe it.  The truth is that the Democrats use that to continue to pull in the votes of minorities and those who profit from the social programs in place today.  Never mind that they in no way identify with the lower and middle class population of the nation.

The Democrats would have more credibility with me if they were more human.  By that I mean they are continually acting as if they are above reproach on anything and constantly being outraged and appalled at any and all the shameful behavior of some of the Republicans over these last few years.  The big problem with acting like that is you are definitely destined for a fall; it is a human inevitability.  They hold an advantage there, however, in that the media is sold out to covering for them in every possible way.  Therefore, unless one is an actual truth seeker, you will read or listen to the media Democratic puppetry, believe it, and repeat it to yourself as well as to those who hate our president along with the media and yourself; continually feeding off of it.  It is almost like situations in families where members aren't speaking one to another.  The resentment is there, the negative talk, the annoyance with the person(s), but you would be hard pressed to even know what the situation was that caused the rift in the first place.

Hate has no place in a society such as the one that America by the original intent of her founders desired.  Greed, covetousness, selfishness, pride, these were human traits they were well aware of, indeed many of them owning slaves in direct violation of the very Constitution they themselves wrote up!  It has always blown my mind, and probably always will, that grown men looking at another human being like themselves save for the color of their skin, could convince themselves that the other was inferior to themselves!  Native American, African American, Chinese, Irish, exploited by so many arrogant and ignorant people; but not all, not all at all!  Those who made up the 'not all' are the reason America became great in spite of herself.  I I refuse to embrace the teachings of my youthful schooling to disdain my own country and trash my own President.  I will admit to her wrongs and will be proud of her rights. 

It makes no sense to be motivated by hate.  What possible good can be accomplished when you are motivated by something so negative and destructive as hate?  Isn't hate what brought the suicide terrorists to NYC?  Can American citizens be so deluded as to believe that somehow we 'asked' for that to happen, or that our President made that happen deliberately?  Believe in such ideas is as ignorant as one can get, in my opinion.  How hypocritical to accuse the President of being a hateful terrorist himself and then hate him yourself?  It would be funny if it wasn't so scary because it is so true!  That is exactly what is going on in the USA today.  Watch Senator Kennedy or Senator Schumer when they speak about our President.  There is no respect, none.  Worse, you can clearly see they hate the man!  And the insults and the judgmental attitudes they have as if they live such exemplary lives and have erred not a whit in their entire political careers!

Clearly so much of politics seems like such dirty business, but there are quite a few actual statesmen and women in Washington today.  They continue to stand for the right, for the Constitution, for the truth, for the innocent unborn, for people like me.  And there are plenty of youth coming on up as well who will, in a few short years, hold places of influence and political power, who will help to bring about righteousness to our government where it is oh so desperately needed.

Ramble over. 8-)

Be Kind

Surprise

I was shocked, confused, bewildered
as I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
by the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in Heaven
who made me sputter and gasp--
the thieves, the liars, the sinners,
the alcoholics, the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade
who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thought
was rotting away in hell,
was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
looking incredibly well.

I nudged Jesus, "What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.

And why's everyone so quiet,
so somber? Give me a clue."
"Hush, child," said He. "They're all in shock.
No one thought they'd see you."

Judge Not...

~Be kind. We're all in this together.~

Someone posted this at a website that I frequent.

Fifty and Counting

Sometimes there is so much to say that I can only say nothing.  Other times there is nothing to say really and I open my mouth and say something anyway.  When a person is a talker as I am it is inevitable that putting my foot in my mouth on a regular basis is and will be the way of my life, but it doesn't negate that when I do speak that I don't know what I am talking about.

I have the uncanny ability to perceive exactly what is wrong with me and on many levels; it also extends to understanding the whys and wheretos of others behaviors as well.  Much of it is common sense and some of it is due to so many life experiences that I have had in this fifty years of my life.

Yet I feel so stuck in this rut that I have been in since I realized that my surgery had failed to do for me what I was so counting on.  And even though I remain grateful that I have found a way to manage my pain, I am so discouraged to even try again to get my life back on track.  In other words just knowing what is wrong and why and what I should do about it does not mean that I will actually do anything about it.  I suspect that many others find themselves doing the same thing: knowing what is up, knowing what they should do, and allowing themselves to do nothing about it.

Even for something as simple as writing on my blog.  I read a lot about current events, know a bit of what is going on and have my own opinions on the issues of the day, but get so lazy to even post here.  I mean, the categories are endless on what I can write about and the last time I wrote here was June 6!  Here we are at the end of July already!

In the meantime, my mother-in-law died suddenly and my husband and one of our sons is in California right now helping to put things in order so that her body can be flowin back here and plans can be made on what the best thing to do for his dad might be.  There is so much to do when death comes, especially suddenly.  It really makes me think that my affairs should be in order.  Actually, I don't have any affairs to put in order!  Ha-ha!!

On a serious note, all I need to do is have our will updated.  I own nothing of monentary value and all I own my sons are welcome to. I don't think that Phil, Akai, and Nick would be spiteful or nasty but would be amicable about any of my stuff that they might want.  Thank God.  I am grateful to God, for real, that despite my mistakes none of my sons harbor any hate and spite towards me like my husband's two older children do; children who when they were teenagers were well established in cruelty and spite as well as manipulation.  I feared for my sons as they grew and am thankful again, that they were spared having to deal with the deep jealousy, anger and meanspiritedness of those two.  I hope and pray that they, my stepchildren, get healing for themselves and learn to forgive, but I (was) am not fool enough (and wasn't after the discovery of their evil intent) to allow them to have anything to do wth these boys of mine due to some misguided and blind thinking that because they are related they should be part of their lives.  God help me but people like them scare me.  My sons are now grown and are well aware of what kind of people those two are, but we have to update our will to ensure the protection of our boys in case those two have spent these passed years that we haven't heard from them in by growing their hate some more (as if that were possible since they seemed to be at the epitome already!).

That was pretty random as well as quite meandering. 8-)

Time

How did it get to be Monday (technically Tuesday since it is 4am) and June 6th already?   I just posted here recently and it is dated like forever ago (Memorial Day Monday, May 29th).   I mean, I do have a lot to say but it looks like I am still nowhere near managing my time like I used to back in wat seems like forever ago.  Even a short paragraph daily would have sufficed, but instead I can barely gather my thoughts into some semi-organization enough to post once in approximately a week.

The birds are singing away and I need to go back to sleep, but the question remains, can I?  It also remains the same question for quite a few things in my life.

I am thinking I will sign up for the rest of the training for Literacy Volunteers so that I can be useful and busy, thereby decreasing my thinking of myself and giving back some of the much I have as well as have received over all these years.

You know, I don't think I did anything bad to end up on the bottom of the priority lists of people that I am supposed to be so special and important to, but it remains a fact that that is exactly where I am.

Once upon a time I attempted to share with some of these people just how I felt and ended up seeing them even less than I was already seeing them (which was not at all). 

There are many things that I could surely say to them, but I don't say them.  I keep them to myself and periodically let the hurt out in letters that I don't and don't intend to mail.  The reason for that is the last thing I want is for my 'friends' to be guilted into spending time with me. 

I understand completely about seasonal friendships and other such relationships; I really do, but these friends assured me that we were much, much more than that and yet nothing save occasionally a sentence or two is emailed my way for some reason or another.

If mine was as important a relationship as they assured me it was I think I would know it.  One of the ways that I would know this is there would be time set aside to devote to the relationship.  If one is engaged and/or has a best friend the way to developing and maintaining these relationships is to devote time to them.  Anyone with a relatively small amount of brain power can figure that out.

I don't have hard feelings towards them, but my feelings are hurt. 

I know what the neglected family pet feels like:  It is loved, of course, as in "I love you', words spoken and felt sincerely, but life is so busy that there is definitely no time for nor any time being set aside for the family pet.  And every once in a while a bone gets tossed its way when there is 'time'.

Why does this keep happening to me?  Is it because I am the friend that doesn't demand anything?  Is it because I am the friend that says 'take care of everyone else, I'll understand'.  And I do understand, painfully so.  My feeling just don't count or worse, they do count, but all the 'friend' feels is guilt when their thoughts turn to me.  And who wants friends that call you because they are supposed to?

This is why I know that I need to get involved in helping others.  It is my Christian duty anyway.  8-)  I just don't want to think about this or dwell on it.  That will help me and others at the same time.

Generalizing

Just in general I realize that I haven't posted a dang there here in my blog in close to a month.  It is odd when one considers wha a wordy person I happen to me.  I have thoughts and opinions on a wide range of topics that I hardly take the time to write down anymore.  Part of the reason for that I think is how stupidly sensitive I suddenly seem to be about almost everything.  I spent a chunk of years not really caring if anyone agreed with me or not, so I know that is probably all tied into this menopausal stuff.  And somehow knowing that doesn't make me feel any better, well, it does a little, but not enough to let it roll off my back like I used to be able to.  I just hate this crying stuff cause it makes me all like things bother me when they don't.  I also spent many years being considerate of others feelings when I knew that my opinions might hurt or offend someone else.  I am a firm believer in the truth, but not in shoving it down someone's throat.  There is a time and a place for everything.  In the meantime, I hate that I have negleced m blog like I have and I wish I could make a promise that I will do better, but I can't.

A Multiple Category Post

For weekend entertainment I watched two movies: The SpongeBob Squarepants Movie and Because of Winn Dixie.  The SpongeBob movie because my son bought it shortly after it was released to DVD and I hadn't watched it and bug, bug, bug!  Ha-ha!  8-)  It was entertaining, but much of the humor was over the top, way over the top, for children.  Crudeness seems to want to take over all things movie, even children's entertainment.  Charlie Brown, the one cartoon remaining unspoiled by remakes filled with vulgarity, immorality and the twisting of all that is human decency, has been hijacked as well.  It really is shameful, but those bent on pushing the old envelope demand respect, or, the freedom to call entertainment what they will, but have no respect for those who have a different view.  They are seemingly on a mission to seek out all things moral and/or innocent of the twistedness of some people's choice of living (from something like shows such as The Sopranos and Desperate Housewives to Brokeback Mountain) and boldly state that such ways of thinking and living are not worthy of respect let alone simple acknowledgement that whole groups of such people do exist, and who have the decency to respect those that they disagree with, something those embracing foulness don't return.  Now, if that wasn't a sentence full of grammatical errors too numerous to count, from a run-on sentence to fragments to misplaced phrases and other such mistakes, I don't know what is!!  It is clear though, that there exists a great imbalance there.  In the meantime, I will maintain my stand for the things I believe in, all without trashing someone else who doesn't agree with me.  I expect that I will continue to be refused the return courtesy and will continue to thank God for the grace He gives me to not return insult for insult.  8-)

Proud or Ashamed to be American?

I have had the privilege of meeting people from many countries: Australia, Ireland, England, South Africa, The Democratic Republic of the Congo, Thailand, Russia, Finland, Canada and even France.  To a person these people love their countries and take quick offense to any word spoken against their nations.  To a nation, every one of them has history that reveals the utter depravity that man can, does, and has, sank to in various periods throughout the recorded history of their respective nations, bringing poverty, ruin, and terror to their people. 

It seems to me that there are few, if any, exceptions to that rule.  I know the why of it to, and I don't find it shocking at all.  Of course the details of the different atrocities shock me, my point is that there is no surprise in finding out that human's, in their imperfection, succumb to jealousy, greed, envy and covetousness to the point of murder and mayhem. 

Yet, they are proud to be who they are and to stand for where they come from.

Which causes me to wonder why I, as an American, sharing in the human propensity for foolish as well as dangerous behaviors, am expected to be embarrassed and ashamed to be an American and o be glad to stand for my president and the nation that he represents, who I personally am, and where I come from.  I don't understand why our countries public schools as well as the institutions of higher learning, have ingrained in the youth of today, shame for their country, it's history, and to accentuate the negative, and in effect, give them nothing to be proud of or to stand up for.

We live in a nation which possesses a unique history, and if we are honest we would all, every citizen, realize that fact.  Did men (and women) mess things up for others because they share the human trait which is able to turn to the left just as easily as it turns to the right?   For sure all human beings are capable of a myriad of behaviors, nothing new there, but surely we can agree that despite it all there were countless, righteous people from the very moment Europeans settled here in America, who gave their all to live rightly with their fellow human beings and with nature.  The accomplishments of the people of this nation throughout generations, of all races would (and does) fill volumes, but many are ignored, discredited, or disregarded in favor instead of writings that point fingers, accuse, and plant shame in our hearts.  I know this because it happened to me as a young high school student during the Viet Nam era.

But all that impressional stuff aside, shouldn't we be proud of our country?  Shouldn't we learn from mistakes, punish as well as seek restitution from offenders, accentuate the positive and impress upon the upcoming generations truth tempered with mercy?   How about honestly presenting the facts about the mistakes as well as the successes and achievements of all the people who went before us in the making of America?   When do we ever read criticisms, especially such scathing ones as abound regarding our nation and its current leaders, about Russia or China or even France referencing in their past and/or even current hostility towards others even in their own countries?

I read a lot and often and I am ashamed for the way many of my fellow Americans treat our President, his Administration as well as people like me who disagree with much of the politically correct mindset of the day that seems to have a hold of MM (Major Media) in our nation today.  It is one thing to disagree with someone, but quite another to speak with such disdain and total lack of respect or to be so totally intolerant of another person such as they are of anyone who doesn't agree with them!  They themselves are such hypocrites and refuse to see it. 

Where that leaves us is in a nation that has natives who will not stand up for it. A nation filled with many who disdain it, say they don't like what it stands for, but refuse to leave it and the lifestyle it affords them that they have grown quite accustomed to.  Can anyone say hypocrite again?

There are many things in my own life that I am ashamed of and many thing in my life that I am proud of.  Overall I think the better choice is to live on the positive, not the negative, side of life.  And that is how I choose to address the nation I live in, the nation called the United States of America, which makes me an American, a name of which I am proud to be known as.

Loving God and One Another

I wish that I could love God better.  We hear a lot about God bless America, but how about America begins to bless God? 

We have so very much here in the USA. 

If we wipe God out of any and all parts of the founding of our country, we cease to be the USA, and we will fall. 

Yesterday was Veteran's Day.  They fought and died for me to live free as I do today.  Our men and women in Iraq do the same today.  They have a strong sense of the rightness of their presence there and for the most part, they believe in God. 

I am so saddened by the hate that many of my countrymen show for our military, for our president, and for anyone who doesn't agree with them.  They don't love one another, but are motivated by hate, which has an appetite that can never be appeased enough.